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If Meditation Were a Contest, Then Today I Had a Victory

Even after a small amount of meditation practice, it begins to get easier. That is not to say that it becomes easy. It is also not to say that there aren’t times when, even after years of practice, that it is incredibly challenging.

Last night I set my alarm early in order to wake up and meditate.

In the morning my alarm goes off. A few minutes later my backup alarm goes off.

I continued to lay in bed thinking of all the reasons I should stay in bed. But I got up, sat down on my cushion and set my alarm once again for 20 minutes later.  

Last night I ate pizza and had a glass of wine, so I am particularly groggy this morning . Much of my time in meditation was spent struggling just to keep my eyes partly open and to not fall asleep. My thoughts continued to turn toward my dreams from the night before, and then around to things that I have to do later today and to many other thoughts. And because I woke up with allergies this morning the contents of my nose began to migrate down my face. And then I felt a tickle in my ear. Most likely from my hair, but the thought arises that another sentient being, probably in the form of an insect, is starting to take up residence inside my ear canal.

I continue to sit.

After a period of time I am really starting to feel like 20 minutes has passed. I tell myself that I am just being fidgity and to trust in the universe. I know I set my alarm.

I continue to sit.

More time goes by, and finally I know without a doubt (ok, some doubt) that 20 minutes has definately passed. After some battle in my mind, I finally decide to bow and check my alarm. I did set it. Just not for the right time. I ended up sitting for 40 minutes instead of 20, which in turn put some time contraint on the rest of my morning.

Now with all that said. None of it really matters. The victory occured the very moment I sat down on my cushion.

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“Just Sitting”

Powerful currents
and crashing waves
subtle ripples
and flowing streams
Breath in
Breath out

Listen
Be still
Be
Can you hear it?
Thump thump
goes the heart beat

Ahhh..

then a  hurricane
a crash
a sadness
an itch
a pain

Breath in
Breath out
Calmness.
Silence.
IMPATIENCE!
Is it time yet?
Can I get up now?

Just sit
Breath in
Breath out

Laundry
dinner
that asshole who cut me off on the freeway

Asshole.

Starighten the spine
relax the shoulders
tuck the chin

So many stories

Heartbreak
and then the legs fall asleep

WAKE UP!

Here I am!
oh wait…there I go…

Rinse
Repeat
Breath in
breath out